I See Spain! I See France!
by Delicious Mud Pie
Summary: A really kinda dirty, raunchy story about the gang shopping at the mall. Not like my other fics in the slightest. Not very funny either, though I tried. Read it, review it.


Disclaimer- I DO own pokémon. I created the little buggers. Muahahahaha. Not really, but I'm just not all that afraid of being sued. I mean, you're a friggin' numbnuts if you think some 17 year old freak who calls herself Mystery Squeezit and posts angsty stories about a cartoon aimed at elementary school children owns the multi-million dollar Nintendo coorperation. I mean, hot damn, my Game Boy is one of those old ass ones where everything is in a different shade of green and it has some food stain on it that I can't get off and I have to have a light bulb the size of the sun over me to tell what's going on on the screen. I watch the cartoon and all but I'm more of a freak about the game, but I have to write stuff about people on the show because I mean c'mon, who am I gonna write about from the game? Gold? Clair? Rocket Executive? The rival dude, who I nicknamed Ass? Fat chance! Anyway, this is supposed to be funny but in all reality will probably be about as funny as the stench of very old people, which I do not find to be funny. And it's gonna be dirty too, because all of my humor is dirty.  
  


I See Spain, I See France!  
(Other Title: A Day at the Mall)  
  


  
the little girl said, her braids dragging along the ground as she held her head upside down as she looked into the bathroom stall next to her.  
  
Errr, hi, Misty replied, leaning over so the kid couldn't see the particulars of her naked lower half. Um, where's your mommy?  
  
In here with me, the girl answered, still staring at Misty.  
  
Her mother didn't say anything.  
  
Misty waited another minute or so, too unnerved to go. Couldn't the kid leave her alone to poop in peace? It was hard enough taking a dump where everyone could hear the particulars, but with an audience? It was just too much. At least she could use it as a good excuse to Brock and Ash for why she was taking so long on the can.  
  
Misty saw the adult feet under the stall stand up and leave, but the little girl remained. Misty looked from side to side, then quickly kicked the girl in the head hoping that she would get the hint and stay in her own bathroom stall.  
  
The girl began to cry like a two-headed crackbaby, but at least she got the hell out of Misty's stall. Misty breathed a huge sigh of relief and let the breeze that she had been bottling up all day fly.  
  
she said softly, purging her colon of its scented contents. She was just about to grab some paper from the roll when someone began slamming on her door.  
  
the little girl cried, it was the girl in this stall who kicked me in the head!  
  
The mother began pounding on the stall, and Misty froze, feeling caught.  
  
What do you think you're DOING kicking my daughter in the head? A woman shouted, maternal anger boiling as she amost bashed the door in.  
  
Misty bit her lip. Then she replied hastily, it was an accident!  
  
How can you accidentally kick someone in the head? the mother growled.  
  
She was looking at me from under the stall! Misty shouted. It's a small stall!  
  
You come out of there and apologize to her right now! the mother ordered.  
  
By this time Misty was sick of being subordinate. And she was sick of sitting on the pot.  
  
I have to finish wiping my ass! she snorted, and besides, you should keep her from sticking her head under the stall and looking at me!  
  
I'm gonna come in there right now! the mother growled, pounding on the door.  
  
Oh fuck, Misty said under her breath as the door was pounded on harshly.  
  
But, alas, there had to be a God, as she was saved by store security.  
  
I'm gonna have to ask you to breathe, I mean leave, ma'am, a woman with black slacks and shoes (all Misty could see) asked inbetween holding her breath.  
  
Misty remained silent as the mother began to shout her situation to security and security didn't care. Eventually the woman was forced to leave, and Misty sighed in relief as she was now able to wipe herself and get on with her life.  
  
Misty left the stall and washed her hands, recieving strange glances from the other women in the bathroom. She groaned and left as quickly as possible.  
  
When she finally escaped the restroom of hell, Ash was still waiting outside.  
  
God Misty, he shook his head, you must have cleared that room! Hoo boy! You musta had a crap on deck that could choke a donkey, you had a log in the chute, that was for sure, you--  
  
Misty's face turned a shade of red that people usually only see on really fast camaros, and she turned to Ash and pummled him until he fell on his ass.  
  
I got in a fight in there, okay? she shouted, stepping dangerously close to Ash's nuts.  
Okay ma'am, Ash squeaked, holding his hands up in surrender.   
  
Misty backed off and scanned the vicinity. Where's Brock? she asked.  
  
Ash replied, last I saw him he was talking to some chick at the giftwrapping counter.  
  
Then let's go there, Misty suggested, I need to get to JC Penney's. They're having a great sale there.  
  
We're already in Mervins! They're practically the same store! Ash whined.  
  
Misty shook her head. Men will never understand.  
  
Shortly afterward they walked over to the gift wrapping counter, where they caught the bad end of a conversation Brock was having with the girl who worked there.  
  
And you know, he smirked, my penis tastes just like pepermint.  
  
Pepermint, eh? she said through gritted teeth while smiling. Ash and Misty could tell that she was pushing a button under the desk repeatedly to call for security, but apparently Brock could not.  
  
he grinned, staring into her eyes.  
  
And just how did it get that way? she asked, stalling for time.  
  
Gene therapy, Brock announced, seemingly proud of himself.  
  
Misty was becoming angry at this point, feeling sorry for the girl having to be subjected to his crap.  
  
she shouted, fire seeming to come from her mouth, that's the most lame ass pickup line I've ever heard! And it wouldn't matter how good your stupid penis tasted because it's not even a mouthful to begin with, so shut up and let's go, JC Penney's is having a sale!  
  
Brock turned to Misty, his cheeks reddening, both in embarassment in anger.   
  
She's lying, he said, turning once again to the lady he was flirting with, I'd never let her stinky, herpes-filled mouth get that close to my--  
  
But the girl was gone. She had escaped.  
  
You ruined it! Brock fumed.  
  
No, _you_ did, Misty shouted, pointing to the security guards that were coming her way.  
Brock began to sweat. You're right Misty, err, there were some lovely dressses I wanted to try on at that sale, um, bye now.  
  
He looked at the security officers and ran to hide under a clothes rack.  
  
Ash rolled his eyes. Oh, come on Brock, we haven't hid under the clothes racks while Misty tried to shop for months now!  
  
But, Brock's little scheme worked, because the security guards looked around at the gift counter, shrugged and walked off.  
  
Brock escaped the clothes rack and slapped himself on the head. I've GOT to stop drinking Red Bull! The only thing it gives wings to is my--  
  
Ash then began laughing his head off, rolling on the floor even.  
  
What's so funny? Brock frowned.  
  
I spiked your Red Bull with viagra, he kept on laughing.  
  
They were unopened, numbnuts, Brock rolled his eyes.  
  
Ash stopped laughing.   
  
And where would you get viagra anyway? Brock rolled his eyes again, but once again no one could tell because he didn't bother opening them.  
  
Well, Professor Oak had some in his bag last time he came over to my house and I swiped some, Ash smiled vapidly.  
  
Misty and Brock began to laugh, but Ash remained puzzled.  
  
I don't get it, he frowned.  
  
It's okay Ash, Misty shook her head, we didn't excpect you to.  
  
The trio walked to JC Penney's quickly, Misty because she wanted to get to the sales, Brock and Ash because they wanted to get it over with.  
  
Ash began to whine, why can't we go to Radio Shack and play with the remote controlled cars while you shop?  
  
You guys have to tell me how I look in the clothes I try on! Misty demanded. And besides, I'll do that with you when I'm done!  
  
I'm hungry, Ash whined.  
  
We'll eat too! Misty assured.  
  
JC Penney's was extremely extremely crowded. People (women, mostly) were reduced to fighting over the sale stuff, and Misty was right there with them.  
  
It so happened that as Misty laid eyes on a tight yet sexy and fashionable fuzzy purple tube top, another woman grabbed it at the same time as she did.  
  
I saw it first! the woman shouted.  
  
Not you! Misty grumbled.  
  
Give it to me, twerp! she growled.  
  
Well, it wasn't really a woman. Misty just mistook him for a woman since he was rather feminine and was fighting her for a tube top.  
  
What in hell do you want a tube top for? Misty shouted.  
  
Jessie told me to get it for her, James replied, so give it to me!  
  
Not on your life! Misty growled, pulling harder. Throw down, bitch!  
  
The tube top suddenly sprung into the air as both their grips conveniently jarred away, and it was caught by Brock.  
  
I win, I win! Brock shouted, then left to go try it on.  
  
Misty and James growled at each other, then grabbed fiercely onto each other's hair.  
  
Ow ow ow! James shouted, not being able to see Misty as he yanked her hair from her scalp, but he began to pull harder. Each time he pulled harder, Misty pulled with double the strength.  
  
Stop stop stop! James whined, then let go of her hair. Misty began to swing James around by his hair, as she clearly had the upper hand now.   
  
Misty finally let James go into a wall, and he began to sob loudly.  
  
You're gonna pay for that! Jessie growled. That Brock guy is really going to stretch out that tube top!  
  
Jessie then waltzed over to Misty and gave her a mighty bitch-slap.   
  
Misty was shocked at the slap, and gave one right back to Jessie.  
  
They began slapping each other furiously, pinching, bitting, scratching, pulling hair, the works. They looked like they'd been struck by a hurricane when they'd finally been compelled to stop.  
  
Ash shouted. I'm _hungry_! Let's go and eat!  
  
All you do is whine whine whine! Misty grumbled.  
  
Jessie and Misty suddenly looked at each other, grins overspreading their faces.  
Ash began to sweat a little, and backed up. Come on, he frowned, you wouldn't hit a man with pokemon, would you?  
  
They're all gone right now, Misty grinned, pounding her fist into her hand.  
  
Buckle up Spanky! Jessie laughed, and the two girls began to pummel Ash into the ground.   
  
It fits! they heard, and stopped pounding Ash into a brillo pad long enough to witness the horror before them. It fits beautifully!  
  
James even stopped wailing as Brock danced gleefuly into the hallway. Oh, wouldn't my mommy and daddy be proud of me now!  
  
Brock stood, breathing heavily as if he was engaging in the highest state of rapture, with a long grin stretched across his face. But the tube top wasn't what they were staring at.  
  
Brock stood waiting for a response for a good five minutes before a little girl gleefully walked by and pantsed him, which wasn't hard, because he accidentally put on a skirt that was left in the dressing room while he was in there.  
  
I see Spain! the girl shouted, I see France! I see that guy's underpants!  
  
Brock blushed as everyone stared at his boxer briefs. They had little skiplooms all over them, and Red Bull really had given him wings.  
  
the little girl shouted, noticing Jessie, Ash and Misty on the floor. That's the girl who kicked me in the head!  
  
Misty's face suddenly paled, and she felt sick.  
  
she began to pant, I gotta go!  
  
Daddy Daddy! the girl shouted, and before Misty had a chance to escape, the little girl's 6'5 280 pound father walked up to her.  
  
What is it, honey? he asked.  
  
That girl kicked me in the head in the bathroom when I wasn't doin' nothin' I just side hi to her and she kicked me in the HEAD! the girl was wailing all over again.  
  
The man looked at Misty intently, with sheer hatred in his evil, beady little eyes.  
  
Misty smiled nervously, I'll be going now--  
  
Oh no you won't, the man roared, and lunged for her.  
  
Misty kicked him in the nuts sharply, seeing no other option.  
  
The man began, in a Scottish accent, right in the mommy daddy button!  
  
He fell over promptly, and the little girl began to sob over him.  
  
At this time about twenty security guards had been summoned to get those whackos the hell out of there. They walked down the hall towards the group, their steps in one continuous stride. They looked like a funky, baton wielding marching band, except without instruments or suspenders.  
  
Let's get outta here, Ash began to sweat. It was hard to hear him as he was trying to shove a knocked-out tooth back into his gums.  
  
Misty agreed.  
  
But I have to buy my tube top! Brock insisted, pulling his skirt back on from the ground.  
  
Later Brock, Ash said more clearly, having pushed the tooth back in.  
  
Misty grabbed Brock's hand and all of them, including Jessie and James, began sprinting for the parking lot.  
  
I feel pretty, oh so pretty! Brock began to sing, as they didn't have time to get him changed and he was still wearing the tube top.  
  
Shut up, Brock! Ash shouted, but didn't look back at the security guards.  
  
They ran across the parking lot quickly, once again getting lots and lots of stares from bystanders. They had to run all the way to the Sears parking lot. Ash and Brock and Misty didn't know where they were headed, but Jessie and James suddenly stopped in front of their van.  
  
Get in! Jessie shouted, opening the back.  
  
Having no choice as the mall security was hot on their trail, the three piled into Team Rocket's van and closed the door. Jessie got in the driver's seat and James rode shotgun.  
  
She drove very maniacally to get out of the parking lot, but it all calmed down once they were safely on the road.  
  
James frowned, I'm hungry now!  
  
Me too! Ash whined.  
  
When are you ever NOT hungry? Misty and Jessie grumbled at the same time.  
  
I feel like a shiny new penny, Brock sighed contentedly, his eyes sparkling. We need to do something else fun.  
  
James brightened, let's go eat, then go and TP Giovanni's house later!  
  
Hell yes! Jessie shouted, that bastard deserves a good TPing!  
  
Can I bring my water pokemon so the TP will stick? Misty asked excitedly.  
  
That'd be great! James grinned more broadly.  
  
I want to tie the tampon to his car antenna! Brock shouted.  
  
I want to write Giovanni likes Boys on his windshield with lipstick! Ash begged.  
  
You can all do what you like! Jessie grinned. Now, where to eat?  
  
I wanna play in the ball pit at McDonalds, Misty smiled childishly.  
  
Sounds good to me, Jessie grinned, then rode off into the sunset in the direction of McDonalds. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.  
  
--------------------------  
I always wanted to get those freaks together somehow, and what better way to become friends then escaping the long arm of the law together? I _seriously_ am not serious. I don't really think Brock dresses up in tube tops and sings I feel pretty. This was one of my random rambling Red Bull trip stories, and I'm not excpecting anyone to like it, let alone find it funny. It's just something I had to get out of my system because I'm having brain farts while writing the sequel to Magic in Denial. So, talk to y'all later.


End file.
